More Funny One-Liners From TV's Seinfeld

Jerry: I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me.

George: I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution.

Elaine: You'd better pick up your dog tonight or he has humped his last leg!

Kramer: The Dewey Decimal System. What a scam that was.

Jerry: Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool.


Elaine: The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It's for getting around. It's like a Jeep.
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Jerry: I don't trust the guy. I think he regifted, then he degifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Superbowl sex romp.

Kramer: How do you like the tuxedo. It's a rental but I've had it for fifteen years.

George: You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect.

Elaine: Men can sit through the most pointless, boring movie if there's even the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off.

Jerry: Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

George: Divorce is very difficult, especially on the kids. Of course, I'm the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know.