Saturday, 28 September 2013

More Funny One-Liners From TV's Seinfeld

Funny Seinfeld JokesJerry: I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me.

George: I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution.

Elaine: You'd better pick up your dog tonight or he has humped his last leg!

Kramer: The Dewey Decimal System. What a scam that was.

Jerry: Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool.

Elaine: The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It's for getting around. It's like a Jeep.
Jerry: I don't trust the guy. I think he regifted, then he degifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Superbowl sex romp.

Kramer: How do you like the tuxedo. It's a rental but I've had it for fifteen years.

George: You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect.

Elaine: Men can sit through the most pointless, boring movie if there's even the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off.

Jerry: Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

George: Divorce is very difficult, especially on the kids. Of course, I'm the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know.

Thursday, 19 September 2013

Funny Chris Rock Jokes

Chris Rock Jokes"I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot."

"If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner."

:"I'm in show business...I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson."

"Comedy is the blues for people who can't sing."

"You don't pay taxes, they take taxes."

"Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don't want to be the old guy in the club."

"You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems."

"There's a stripper myth, that's being perpetuated throughout society. The myth is 'I'm strippin' to pay my tuition.' No you're not! There's no strippers in college! There's no clear heels in biology."

"Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!"

"I had a cop pull me over the other day, scared me so bad, made me think I stole my own car."

"You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma.