Great John Lennon Quotes

"If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace."

"If someone thinks that peace and love are just a cliche that must have been left behind in the sixties, that's a problem. Peace and love are eternal."

"It was like being in the eye of a hurricane. You'd wake up in a concert and think, wow, how did I get here?"

"I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people."

"I don't believe in killing whatever the reason."

"My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all."

"If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that...I believe in what I do, and I'll say it."

"Guilt for being rich, and guilt thinking that perhaps love and peace isn't enough and you have to go and get shot or something."

"As a kid I had a dream, I wanted to own my own bicycle. When I got the bike I must have been the happiest boy in Liverpool, maybe the world. I lived for that bike. Most kids left their bike in the backyard at night. Not me. I insisted on taking mine indoors and the first night I even kept it in my bed."

"When I was five years old my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life."

Funny John Belushi Movie Quotes

Bluto (Animal House): "Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"

Jake (The Blues Brothers): "Well thank you, pal. The day I get outta prison, my own brother picks me up in a police car."

Ernie Souchak (Continental Divide): "The air was thin. She was average cute. She was the only girl up there. The air was thin!"

Earl Keese (Neighbors): "This is crazy...but there's something so right about it."

Ernie Souchak: "I know what I wrote, I was there when I wrote it."

Bluto: "Toga! Toga!"

Jake: "We're putting the band back together."

Ernie Souchak: "It's so quiet up here, you could hear a mouse get a hard on."

Bluto: "Seven years of college down the drain."

More Funny One-Liners From TV's Seinfeld

Jerry: I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me.

George: I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution.

Elaine: You'd better pick up your dog tonight or he has humped his last leg!

Kramer: The Dewey Decimal System. What a scam that was.

Jerry: Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool.


Elaine: The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It's for getting around. It's like a Jeep.
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Jerry: I don't trust the guy. I think he regifted, then he degifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Superbowl sex romp.

Kramer: How do you like the tuxedo. It's a rental but I've had it for fifteen years.

George: You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect.

Elaine: Men can sit through the most pointless, boring movie if there's even the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off.

Jerry: Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

George: Divorce is very difficult, especially on the kids. Of course, I'm the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know.

Funny Chris Rock Jokes

"I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot."

"If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner."

:"I'm in show business...I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson."

"Comedy is the blues for people who can't sing."

"You don't pay taxes, they take taxes."

"Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don't want to be the old guy in the club."

"You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems."

"There's a stripper myth, that's being perpetuated throughout society. The myth is 'I'm strippin' to pay my tuition.' No you're not! There's no strippers in college! There's no clear heels in biology."

"Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!"

"I had a cop pull me over the other day, scared me so bad, made me think I stole my own car."

"You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma.

Bill Murray Quotes

"There's not much downside to being rich, other than paying taxes and having your relatives ask you for money. But when you become famous, you end up with a twenty-four hour job."

"Groundhog Day was one of the greatest scripts ever written. It didn't even get nominated for an Academy Award."

"No one really wants to admit they are lonely, and it is never really addressed very much between friends and family. But I have felt lonely many times in my life."



"I've had some success in movies, so I really don't think about success. You like to have it, but I'm not desperate for it."

"Movie acting suits me because I only need to be good for ninety seconds at a time."

"The first forty-five minutes of the original Ghostbusters is some of the funniest stuff ever made. The second one was disappointing because the special effects guys took over. I had something like two scenes and they're the only funny ones in the movie."

"I don't have a problem talking about my work, but I don't make a habit of talking about myself. There are people who are obsessed with information about my life, what clothes I'm wearing and what my exercise regime is. I'm not interested in that."

"The studios don't seem to foster good writing. They're not so interested in that, but they're more interested in what worked most recently."

"The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything. The better you are with your loved ones, the better you are with enemies, the better you are at your job, the better you are with yourself."

David Letterman Jokes

"There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting."

"I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious."

"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees."

"I love autumn in New York. The yellows, the browns and the rust...and that's just the drinking water."

"I cannot sing, dance or act. What else would I be but a talk show host."


"A woman in Buffalo set a new world record for eating 183 buffalo wings. I don't think there will be a second date."

"If it wasn't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever."

"It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said."

"New York...when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you."

"President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger."

"Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines."

"We can all sleep easy at night knowing that somewhere at any given time, the Foo Fighters are out there fighting foo."

"There is no off position on the genius switch."

Funny Jerry Seinfeld Jokes

"Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge."

"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV"

"Make no mistake about why these babies are here, they are here to replace us."

"Why do they call it a building? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a built."

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."



"Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom."

"If a book about failure doesn't sell, is it a success?"

"The four levels of comedy: make your friends laugh, make strangers laugh, get paid to make strangers laugh and make people talk like you because it's so much fun."

"I don't like great restaurants. I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special put them on the menu. I don't want any auditioning foods. When they make the real show, then I will eat them."

"I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular sized and my muscles are huge."

"The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same so we might as well dress them that way. That's why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful, glowing bride and some guy."